"Students Buy into the Teacher Before They Buy into The Learning"
Just over a decade ago, I posted a quote on social media that went viral: “Students buy into the teacher before they buy into the learning.” At the time, I had a realisation after reflecting on some neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) content and how it applied to my relationships with students. The response was huge—many educators resonated with the idea, while it also sparked some debate.
Mark Martin
10/12/20243 min read


One of the most important lessons I’ve learned in the classroom is that how you make students feel often matters more than what you say or teach. Sometimes, students may not immediately recognise the impact you’ve had on them, but later in life, they reflect and realise they respected you—either because you had standards or, more importantly, because you made them feel seen, heard, and validated. That emotional connection can have a lasting impact long after they’ve left the classroom.
When I say students need to "buy into" a teacher, I’m not talking about winning them over with charm or likeability. It’s about building a genuine, human connection that helps them feel understood and valued. When students feel that their teacher truly cares for them as individuals, the learning experience becomes richer and more meaningful. Of course, we want students to engage with learning itself, but often, that engagement is sparked by the relationship between the student and teacher.
It’s easy to get buy-in from well-behaved, academically inclined students. They are usually ready to engage and may not need much effort to connect with you. But what about the students who struggle with forming connections, or those who face difficulties with learning? Many of these students may come from different backgrounds, cultures, or perspectives that differ from your own, making it harder to establish that initial relationship.
In these situations, it’s important to manage your own emotions. Working with students who are disengaged or hard to reach can be emotionally challenging. You might feel frustrated or uncertain about how to connect with them. This raises essential questions: do you need to change your approach or adjust your teaching style? Is outside support necessary to help reach students who may not respond to traditional methods? Building connections with these students often requires persistence, creativity, and a willingness to adapt.
However, even with these challenges, the goal remains the same: fostering mutual respect and trust. When students—especially those who are difficult to engage—begin to sense that you genuinely care about them, not just as learners but as individuals, they are far more likely to respond. This doesn’t mean softening your authority or lowering standards. Building rapport strengthens your position, as students tend to respect teachers who care for them as people.
Every classroom is different, and so is every student. What works for one student might not work for another. Some will thrive with encouragement and positive reinforcement, while others need clear boundaries and structure. Finding the balance between support and discipline is crucial, but it’s about creating an environment where students feel valued and supported, regardless of their background or challenges.
Ultimately, when students "buy into" the teacher, it elevates the entire learning experience. A strong teacher-student connection lays the foundation for a more positive and productive classroom environment. Students who feel valued are more motivated to learn, more willing to engage, and more likely to succeed—not just academically, but personally as well. It’s about creating a space where students know they matter, that they’re more than just learners, and that their teacher believes in them.
After I initially posted this thought on social media, there is always someone to challenge you: “I didn’t need to buy into the teacher; I just got on with my learning.” Fair play. Some students are naturally independent and can focus on their studies regardless of their connection with the teacher. But for many students relationship with the teacher is critical. It’s often the human connection that unlocks their potential, making them feel comfortable enough to engage with the learning process.
This doesn’t diminish the importance of content or curriculum. Rather, it highlights that, for most students, learning is deeply influenced by how they feel about the person guiding them. When a teacher shows that they care, learning becomes a more rewarding experience, not just for the student but for the teacher as well.